Best Friends

Best Friends

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Happy New Year... 2012

The holidays are almost over, and with that brings a new year! It has been a difficult year, but I made it thru... positive attitude and remembering the important things, and most of all some amazing friends to lift me up when I fell!
2011 started with me losing my job. That cut our family income in half... ouch! I got a new job not long after, but once they hired me they demoted me the next day due to my background check... down to cashier status and pay. My health sucked, and got to it's worst point a few weeks into that new job, and I had to leave. Being a stay at home wife is not something I am used to, and it drove me insane for the most part! Struggling with my health and not being able to do anything made me feel rather worthless. But I have an amazing husband who supported me thru it all. Thanx to my dear friend Holly, I was able to pick up a little part time work during the summer that got me out of the house and brought in a little money- mostly just gave me something to do. There were times I didn't feel well enough to go riding, which was a real bummer for me, but over all I managed to keep my health problems under control. The year saw many sad moments- friends passing away, losing my grandmother, the funerals we attended with PGR, trying times with Troy (including a short separation)... but also there were happy times- rides with friends, new life coming into the world, and just this week- the best wedding ever! Its always wonderful to see young love starting a life together!
2012 promises to be a much better year! We are leaving Salt Lake City for good! We will be moving south to a warmer climate! With this move brings new beginnings for us! I feel it will improve my physical health being in a warmer place, and also will turn my emotional health around! I am planning to get a job once we move, and return to the person I once was! Happy and outgoing! I will miss a lot about Salt Lake- but the need to be removed from the weather, the memories, the people... that outweighs the things I will miss... friends are a phone call away, and really- only a few hours if we want to come back for a visit.
So my dream of moving south and having palm trees to look at every day, and a Joshua tree in my yard will be coming true finally! I know Troy is still hesitant, but he is amazing! He wants me to be happy, and he finally realized this year how truly unhappy I am here, and he is willing to make these major life changes to keep me happy, and keep us together! This move means he will leave his job that he has top seniority at, and has been with for years, and I can't thank him enough for that sacrifice. A lot of changes in 2012, and I'm sure a lot of wonderful memories will be made!

Monday, December 19, 2011


So much going thru my mind recently, I don't even know what I am about to post! How about a quick summary of the past couple weeks and see where that leads me...
My daughter turned 20 this month... wow! Very hard for me as a mom to deal with 20. No longer a teenager- really? Now what? Kayla is an incredible young lady, and I am so very proud of her. Although there is a lot of heartache around her right now, she is being so strong and getting thru it. She is always so happy and full of such amazing positive energy!
The day after her birthday, Troy and I started our move- no, not the big move, just across the street to a smaller apartment to save a bit FOR the big move! Kayla spent a week with us helping, she had friends come help us out- which saved us cuz Troy threw his back out first thing he moved and had to be flat on his back for three days! This move represents a lot for me~ sounds silly, but it really does. We downsized, to a smaller place. Kayla still has a room when she come to visit or wants to move back with us again, but no room for friends or visitors. We save enough money by making this change- to help us with our big move later in the year, which is my ultimate goal right now in everything I do... preparing for that move. Which I will get into more later.
My birthday was this past week, and I had a party at the club. FUN night! Friends I hadn't seen in a long time showed up, a bunch from high school were there, and a few from the days when I was going out three or four times a week~ awesome time! And just a quick thought on the party thing that has been irritating me... I send an invite out to a lot of people, expecting maybe have the RSVP's I actually got! So I make a reservation for about that many people, and expect to see certain people who had RSVPed. Why the hell do people say they are going to be at a party and don't show up? Not even a phone call or text? I did have a couple people tell me last minute that they couldn't make it, but the rest- what is wrong with people? Very annoying, and actually- RUDE! I would rather have people not RSVP, and show up unexpectedly... which actually a few did! Anyway... I had an incredible birthday party with the friends who showed up!
On my birthday, we had the chance to drive down and visit with Tiffany and baby G... They live in Tennessee, and I am so close to the family, I just had to see them while she was here and meet that amazing boy she has adopted. It was looking like we would not get the chance to visit- but we all altered our timelines a little and were able to spend about an hour together... a wonderful hour! I value my time with all of the Gold Star families I know, and especially the Wagstaffs.
in two days I will be celebrating a huge milestone! Troy and I will have our 4 year anniversary! I am so happy that he came back into my life! But more than that, I am happy that I gave him a chance, that I gave me a chance. I had completely given up on relationships, marriage, happiness (yes, the WPFS)... I was done with men when we found each other. I have had 4 failed marriages... none of which lasted nearly this long! 4 years is huge for me! And the awesome thing is, I am happier today than the day I met him! He is helping me be the person I want to be, he is helping me make my dreams come true! I am so blessed to have Troy, and Kayla, and the amazing friends I have... the people who motivate and inspire me to keep going. I have friends (or maybe acquaintances) who bring negative energy into my world, but I have so much positive energy and positive people surrounding me that I am able to push that negativity out of my mind and focus on my happiness and my future!
Today I witnessed the most wonderful thing... and it reminded me that there is still hope for a loving world and happy lives. A friend came home on leave this morning, his mom, girlfriend, and a couple of us friends were all there... everyone but his girlfriend understood why we all came to welcome him and had cameras in hand... as he came to the bottom of the escalator, after hugging her, he got on his knee, pulled a ring out of his pocket, and proposed. Such a beautiful and happy thing to witness! I wish them the best of everything in their life together! An amazing couple who are young, but so in love and ready to take on the future!
Happy Holidays to all my friends... whether it is Hanukkah, Yule, or Christmas or Kwanza that you celebrate... I hope you all have a safe and happy one!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Thanksgiving- a better day

As I have said, November is hard... Thanksgiving is truly my least favorite day of the year. But this year, I must say a couple things changed...
First, this was the best thanksgiving I can remember having in a dozen years! The morning was hell, but I got myself together and we went for lunch with my wonderful mother-in-law, Jackie. We ate out, Golden Corral, which is a struggle for me as I grew up with everything being home made, having days worth of leftovers, etc. But it was nice. Then we stopped to see my dear friend and sister, Mel, and her family. What was planned to be a half hour visit turned into a 2+ hour day I won't forget! We visited, watched football, and they held us hostage forcing us to join them for dinner! Amazing! All home made food- Mel is incredible in the kitchen! Being with family, it reminded me what Thanksgiving is supposed to be.
Then I got thinking... I have been so freaking selfish! I should be grateful~ I may not spend Thanksgiving with my 'biological' family- but I made that choice... mostly. I have the people around me who I want in my life. Many of my friends- people who mean the world to me, and many many others- don't have that anymore. They have lost their loved ones in this horrid war. And would give anything to spend just one more Thanksgiving with that son, husband, daddy... To those friends of mine- I apologize for my selfish thoughts and statements over the past couple weeks.
I do believe my entire attitude about Thanksgiving has taken a big turn. I just hope next year I can have as positive of an experience as this year was.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The white picket fence

Back to my story about my WPFS... I come home from work and start walking around the corner from the car, as I approach the side walk leading to my apartment there it is... a white picket fence lining the sidewalk leading from the parking lot all the way to my door! just a cute little garden fence- you know the kind- a foot tall, in sections just to decorate around your flower garden? My heart melted, gave me my white picket fence. How stupid was that, right? Like I said, I suffer from WPFS... and someone gave me what I needed to cure this condition... or so I thought.
A couple months later we moved into a house, and started talking about a wedding. I had it all! My family, my dog and other pets, a nice home (not just a house), with an incredible yard and huge garden! This was it- this was my happily ever after!
4 months after we married I was pregnant with his first child, my second. I was able to cut my work hours to part time and be a stay at home mom and housewife, and started an internet business that did quite well. After months of being in and out of the hospital because of my health problems while pregnant, and less than a week after celebrating our one year anniversary- Echo was born, our beautiful little girl. I now had two perfect daughters- Kayla was 13 when I had Echo, and such an incredible help! She loved her baby sister. Life seemed perfect! For a year. Then all hell broke loose and my life, my children's lives, would never be the same.
to be continued

Saturday, November 19, 2011

judgement day

As I have stated, November is a super difficult month for me. This year has been no different. There have been some extremely low moments that are worse than ever, but there have also been some amazing uplifting points to this year. With the help of a very special family, I have been able to spend the past couple days away from all the things that would normally bring me down... I have had time to myself to reflect on the past and how lucky I am to be where I am now. I tell myself constantly it is time to leave the past behind me- but it isn't as easy as it sounds. Six years ago yesterday I stood in a courtroom and listened to a judge tell me what a terrible person I was and that I was going to prison for up to 5 years. Really? How does a person just put that behind them? That day was quite possibly the worst day of my life. But, I made a decision to not allow it to destroy my life- but to make it better. Every year I struggle- remembering the words that judge said to me, hearing my mother in the courtroom cry, being shackled and taken to jail to await transport to prison. It was a painful day, and one I cannot just forget. But I thought maybe if I put it all out there, whether anyone reads it or not, just getting it all out of my head- might help me to move past this.
I got out of bed after almost no sleep at all, showered, dressed in probably the only courtroom appropriate clothes I owned, and headed out the door with my brother. We stopped for coffee at a convenience store, and headed to the court building. I was feeling fine really, after all- I had done all the things the court had asked of me- meetings and classes, evaluations, and I had agreed to plead guilty to one of the two charges and they agreed to recommend probation. What did I know- I had never been thru anything like this before!
Underground parking at the court- sux! We parked and went into the building. As we got off the elevator on the third floor, I saw a croud of people who hated me! My ex husband and pretty much his entire family, and my parents- not that they hated me, but they sure did not want to admit they were about to watch their daughter be sent off to prison! They never believed a word I said, they expected the worst of me, and in no way did I feel they were there to support me.
We entered the court and found a seat, as I waited for my attorney to show up. I started getting nervous- like things are not going to go as I expected them to. I gave my car keys, phone and wallet to my brother... just in case.
My lawyer sucked! he showed up late and I had like two minutes to talk with him. When they called me up, my lawyer and I approached the podium and I was a nervous wreck! They read the charge and I said guilty. Done, right? HELL NO! The judge begins to give me his opinion of what really happened and what a terrible person and parent I am and I should never be allowed to see either of my kids ever again, let alone have custody of them. And if he could, he would sentence me to more time in prison. I was in tears! And I knew better than to argue with a judge. So as he moves on and begins to talk about my sentence, he states that the prosecution is recommending probation and he sees that I have participated in all the bs they asked me to... BUT... but he feels none of those things can change the kind of person I am, prison is the only way to fix what is wrong with me. Really? Did he say fix me? Yeah, he did! And I hereby sentence you to 1-5 years in the Utah State Correctional Facility... or whatever the bleep he called it! My knees buckled and I about went to the ground. I heard my mother break out crying- I honestly dont think it was because I was being sent to prison... I think it was her reputation she was worried about. My fabulous lawyer walked away... and I never saw him again! Really- I spent a lot of money on a lawyer who really didn't give a rats ass what happened to me! The baliff came and cuffed me and took me to a holding cell. Where I sat for like 4 hours before being taken to the county jail. I had never been to jail before- what a nightmare experience that was! The second day there I was allowed to use the phone- and my mother got upset that I was calling collect. She really thought that maybe I could use a different phone! No mom, your money and your standings in the community don't mean shit in here!
The day before Thanksgiving I was transported from the jail to the prison. I had no idea what was going on, what was going to happen, I was worried about my medications and my illness, they wouldn't let me call anyone. And Thanksgiving dinner... oh yummy, what a treat that was! NOT!
I have a lot of anger and hurt and resentments toward a lot of people from that couple of weeks- I realize for the most part, Ihave no one to blame but myself... and of course the asshole who got me in that situation in the first place. But I don't blame anyone, and I don't blame myself anymore... everything happens for a reason. I am so extremely thankful for my freedom that I have today!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

November sucks! This is the hardest time of year for me... friends and family members have died, I got locked up in November, it was the last time I saw my youngest... I had such incredible childhood memories of Thanksgiving- and now most of my family will have nothing to do with me. My most amazing memories of this holiday are with my ex in-laws... but I am not part of that family anymore.
Each year I tell myself "it won't be as bad this year, you can get thru it!" Then along comes a phone call to destroy that.
We are a week into the month and what has happened... I lost the most amazing friend ever, someone I thought would be a huge part of my life for the rest of my life- but that friendship ended. A friend, and family member of the people I consider to be the closest thing to family I have- died Sunday very much out of the blue. And as the family mourns and prepares for a service, they are reminded that today is the 12 year anniversary of losing a young family member to a terrible car accident, Kody is very much missed by his family! And now, Dee will be as well. I woke up today being slammed in the face with a reminder that I am no longer a part of my family- how is that for my first thought of the day? Turn on the computer and see a group of happy people who obviously love each other so much, who all traveled to see each other for a family rivalry football game. What was missing? Me? My kids? No... we don't matter to them anymore... I doubt we even cross their minds on a monthly basis. That is the most heart ripping thought ever! But my family issues will be in a totally different blog post... this is about November. The weather is severely depressing, the death, the memories of what my life once was- and the memories of the worst holidays ever... both just tear apart any chance at a positive attitude for me.
I seem to always be the strong one for my friends, but when it comes to my own issues I completely fall apart. This month is filled with fall apart moments, fall apart days. I normally go thru more alcohol the month of November than the rest of the year combined... so far I have not had a single drink! Proud of that, really, but I also think I have not held together nearly as well. Thanksgiving day is spend in the bottom of a bottle... not this year. My mother-in-law, who I love very much, and am so grateful to have in my life, has asked us to join her for dinner out on Thanksgiving... this will be a new experience! But I love my husband, and I love his mom, and I will at least try- for them.
Happy November, all. Cheers!

Saturday, November 5, 2011


When I was a girl, I wasn't like most girls- I was a tomboy. I played with trucks not Barbies, I watched football and went camping, I dreaded having to ever wear a dress, and make up was a serious waste of time and money! I didn't dream of a big fancy wedding, I hate diamonds and pretty much any big jewelry, and I'd rather go to Sizzler for dinner any day over La Caille! But my ultimate dream I think was what most girls wanted- a husband and a home with a garden, a daughter and a dog, a career and happiness. Simple right? The white picket fence syndrome is what that became! I suffered for years of white picket fence syndrome! At age 18 I got the husband and what we called a home, an abortion and no pets, 3 jobs- no career in sight, and no, there was no happiness- there was abuse! To this day, he is the only person I am truly in fear of. Marriage number one... FAIL! Then 4 years later I again was stricken by WPFS... the husband- yes, the home- yes, the daughter- yes, the dog- yes, career- I was gonna be a stay at home mommy! Perfect, right? Nope. The husband didn't want the things I wanted. This man is a wonderful father and I love him. Marriage number 2... FAIL! Two years later... WPFS hits me again. The husband, the house (in Las Vegas!), my daughter, no dog- but we didn't have time for one, career- ok, a great job! And happiness... but I am learning that happiness doesn't last forever- It doesn't even last a year! People change, wants and needs change. I loved this man and still consider him a friend. Marriage number 3... FAIL! Months later that stupid WPFS got me again... But I was lucky, I got out 3 weeks before the marriage was due to happen! The longest relationship of my life, an amazing man. Everything was perfect! I had my career, I had my daughter and my dog and the house with the garden... but priorities clashed, and after 7 years of believing I would spend the rest of my life with this man- today we don't even speak... sad.
During that heartbreaking split, I made a good friend who lived in the same apartment building I did. We would talk and I could cry to him, we went for breakfast when he got off work and would sit and talk for hours. I was depressed, my daughter was depressed and didn't understand, it was nice to have someone to talk to... and someone to come fix my car! He knew so much about me and my emotions, my wants and needs, my stresses, what made me happy and sad and angry... everything...
to be continued in the next posting...

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Freedom ~ part 1

I explained the LOVE part when I started this blog. But my explanation for the FREEDOM, was actually something I realized later. Does anyone really understand the value of their freedom? Until you experience something that takes that away~ I feel people take freedom for granted. Yes, I am a huge supporter of our military, and I have seen the sacrifice these men and women make for our freedom... but have we experienced that loss of freedom? No, the majority- the average American, has no idea what freedom is all about.
In my next few posts I will be explaining my understanding of freedom, and how I value it- and why. A brief summary- I trusted the wrong person, I thought I had it all, when I truly had nothing that mattered. And that all landed me with a 15 month stay in the Utah State Prison. That was what I felt at the time, the ultimate loss of freedom... but as my time there went on, I came to learn that my freedom was something inside- true freedom is not about whether or not you live behind bars, and are told every move you can and cannot make- altho it sure sucks! freedom is in your heart, your soul, and in your mind! It is about believing in something. Whether that 'something' is God, The Goddess, yourself, or if it is a belief in your success and your future... its a belief and a positive outlook!
Day one of my incarceration was, at the time, the worst day of my life. My freedom taken- and everything I lived for was suddenly gone. I would spend the next 1 to 5 years in a 6x10 shared room, without a moment of privacy, constantly being told what, where, and when to do everything- and having to ask permission to do anything. Eating when they said- and what they said, going to bed when they said. At the time- that was my idea of loss of freedom.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Tonight was a flash back. Troy and I had to sell the tickets we had for the Judas Priest concert, a friend called saying he had a female friend who wanted them. So we met him for a cup of coffee and waited for this gal to show up. The minute she sat down, I was thinking "I know this girl, but from where?" The name didn't click, nothing about our lives seemed to cross paths (for the limited time we chatted). Then something in my head snapped- I was looking away and she said something, and I suddenly recognized the voice... I knew this woman from prison. it's been close to 5 years since I walked away from that place, but every once in a while I see a face, or hear a voice, or something else sends me back to that part of my life. Nothing was said between us- I doubt she even recognized me. My hair is about as different as it could possibly be~ length and color, I've lost 40 pounds. She, on the other hand- looks the same- always was so pretty. But I recall being a person she did not like at that time, we clashed, I guess you could say. The memories that come back- this time of year makes it so difficult for me- as it was 6 years ago this month that I went to that place. Of course there are positive memories, a person has to make some kind of happiness when that is their life, their world. Altho she and I did not acknowledge today that we knew each other from that former life, I am so very happy to see a success from the system. I have seen so many failed attempts by people returning to the outside world... and very few, but yes, some, success stories. She will remain nameless here, out of respect for her privacy, if she ever happens to see this- I congratulate her on her success and her happiness!
I think at some point I may begin to blog about my experiences in prison- my day to day life, the things we did, the things I learned, how my life was so dramatically changed by a 15 month 'vacation'. They don't call it Utah's Finest Gated Community for nothing! So many people don't understand about prison life, so many people think I am a terrible person because I went to prison, most have no idea whatsoever what prison life is really like... I think I will give them an opportunity to find out thru my experiences.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

November is here... has to be my least favorite time of year! Up until a few days ago I had a very positive outlook for this year, I was going to get thru it with a good attitude and leave the past where it belongs. But with relationships the way they are currently- family and friends, I'm not sure. November 1st- I woke up, looked out the window, and saw snow. Great start, right? So many bad memories of November- I truly wish I could skip both November and December! I dread the thought of Thanksgiving getting here... but it has to be, and I can't change it. In the past I have hidden from the day- stay home, drink, and send the husband and kid off to do whatever it is the family invites them to do. But this year I have agreed to go to dinner with my mother in law... I hope I dont fall apart! I try so hard to keep up appearances and make my husband happy- I know how much he loves his family, but I usually only last a short time before the emotional break.
November- amazing childhood memories that can never again be... wonderful memories of former in-laws- that will never again be... the loss of family... the loss of dear friends... the loss of a child... and the loss of freedom. Can I, will I ever be able to overcome all this and enjoy Thanksgiving like I once did?
A simple life~ wouldn't that be wonderful? I am tired of the big city- I want to live in small town, usa. have property enough for a garden to grow all my favorites, have some chickens and maybe a couple goats or something. WalMart would be a half hour away, the interstate- just as far! Where everyone in town knows each other, but minds their own business. Where I can have my quiet private life- without getting calls to go here or there... sorry- I'm snowed in- plows havent made it down our street this month! Living in the city has finally done me in, I am so ready to get out. I dont think Troy will ever be ready for that life- always a reason or excuse... valid reasons, but nothing so severe that I would reconsider. The person I am... was... want to be- needs a much more private life, in a much more private place. I hope one day I can have this dream...make it a reality. Paradise, Dayton... or somewhere similar south of here, where I could live in a warm environment! Troy hates the heat- I live for it! Cold weather- no so good on my health, and not so good for riding, either!
Samhain- aka, Halloween was incredible this year! I went to a ritual that was so much more than I expected, such an amazing experience for me! As I open my heart and soul more and more to my pagan beliefs, I am more and more aware of the wonderful things I am capable of feeling and doing. The more I open up, the more I learn. The more I trust, the more I feel.
Tomorrow is a new day... next is Thanksgiving and the nightmare that brings, then comes December... ugh!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

After being married as many times as I have, one would think I would have it all figured out and do it right eventually... so why is it that I am so very much in love, but so very unhappy? Each person I have been married to taught me something about what I do and do not want in a relationship, they have all helped me be the person I am today- I have no regrets about the multiple failed marriages and other failed relationships. And now I find myself wondering if this is another in that same category. I love Troy! He does make me happy, and for the most part he is amazing to me! And again, no regrets here. I want more than anything for this marriage to work... but each time I think there is hope for us- something else goes wrong. I admit, this has not been an easy marriage for either of us! I am a pain in the ass to live with. But over the past 4 years I have lost who I am, who I was. Each time there is a problem I hear promises of change... I hate promises. I catch myself believing them- then a few weeks down the road I realize things were said to keep me from leaving, maybe he did have good intentions- but never follows thru... while I have given up so much of me in hopes of saving us. Like I said, ts wonderful man I have ever married, and I want more than anything for us to grow old together happily. It rips my heart up to feel that he isnt willing to do what it will take to make that happen, altho its what he wants as well.
Thats my rant for today... I'm sure my next post will be super happy and about how wonderful he is! We are so very up and down like that.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A couple weeks ago I typed a very long post and when I attempted to post it- it vanished! I have no idea at this point what I was saying, so I guess today is a new day- and a new thought... and hoping it will post properly!
I have realized I dont blog nearly as much as I had originally planned, and I should! I have so much going on in my life and a lot of times dont really know how or where to express how I am feeling. So with all the other "new" in my life right now- I think I am going to make new start on this as well... and blog much more frequently!
My blog is titled Friends and Freedom... this photo is Troy and I with A good friend on the day he returned from Iraq. Welcome home, Brandon, and THANK YOU!
The turn of this year was the beginning of many changes in my life~ difficult changes. My health had started failing, I lost my job- cutting our income in half, my health got progressively worse to the point I no longer am able to work. My daughter decided to move back with her dad, and Troy and I moved in a friend, then another.
We had an incredible summer! as long as my health allowed- we were on the bike all the time!
Being out of work has had its ups and downs- hate the financial aspect- we gave up my car and now have one car and the bike- which leaves me stranded home sometimes. I am a workaholic- must keep busy! this has been quite a challenging adjustment for me. times of depression. But my amazing husband has been super supportive and understanding... and altho we have had some marital challenges this year- we are closer than ever! I met my soul mate best friend this year~ someone who helped me, and I was able to help, she and I have a world of things in common. I am looking forward to a lifelong friendship with her.
Our friends who moved in both recently moved out of our apartment, Troy and I will be moving to a smaller apartment in the next month~ a fresh start for us after a rough year.
The positive that came out of my not working- I have been able to be a bigger part of the things I believe in! I was able to contribute over 30 hours volunteering at the Healing Fields this year~ my number one charitable organization, and attend double the PGR missions I would have, had I been working. I've had the time to study and research more about my religious belief- Wicca/Paganism, and the herbal healing that I so enjoy. I feel I am more accessible for my friends- the people who need me... thats why I am here on earth- is to help people, so being more available feels amazing! I have been able to spend time with the Gold Star families, and have become very close to a couple of them~ there is no way to describe the feeling of helping someone smile when they feel they have nothing to be happy about, just knowing I am there for these amazing people who gave up a son, daughter, or husband or brother... for me, for all of us!
So thats my post for today... I've been without internet service for a while and have much more to catch up on. Blessed be my friends. I love you all!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Wow, I don't do this enough... but as soon as my computer is back up and running- I plan to keep up to date!
What a crazy year this has been! January I lost my job- over a stupid $6 oversight! oh well, it was meant to be! February I started getting sick, and have been off and on since. We have looked at a number of things it COULD be, but have no answers yet. I have good days and bad days... luckily I am figuring out how to manage it a bit better and seem to be able to do more! It has been rough on me not being able to go and work, rough on my marriage and my husband having our income cut so drastically!
With spring came riding season! always a positive side to things! We have been on the go nonstop this year with charity rides, PGR missions, this event or that... all part of the cause I believe so strongly in- our military and their families~ especially the fallen and the Gold Star families who lost those fallen. Being unemployed this year made time for me to participate more in these events than before. I have been able to donate more of my time and energy to these things... and it was an amazing feeling! I am considering going to work on a part time basis as a volunteer with one of the organizations I support.
My niece was diagnosed with lymphoma this summer, and was treated quickly. Altho I am not real close to my sister and her family- they ARE still family, and I do worry and love them all! I have no update other than she completed her last round of treatment about a month ago. She remains in my thoughts! Also last month I lost my last surviving grandparent. My mom's mom had been ill for quite some time, and finally let go with her kids by her side. I am not close to my mom at all, but she was veery close to hers! She called me less than an hour after grandma passed- I started to cry- not because my 92 year old grandmother who had been suffering for so long had died, but because I dont have the kind of relationship with my mother that she had with hers... I couldn't be there to be the shoulder for her to cry on, or the ear to just listen to all my mom wanted to say... that phone call was the first my mother and I had spoken in over six months! Sad really, I hope that one day we will be able to sit down and mend our relationship- before its too late. I do love my mother.
so much in my mind, I can't even organize it in my head... maybe a little bit tomorrow, and the next day... I have access to a computer this week thanx to an amazing couple who asked me to stay with their dogs while they are out of town... gives me a little ME time, too! Which we all need now and then, right?
Blessed Be my friends.