November sucks! This is the hardest time of year for me... friends and family members have died, I got locked up in November, it was the last time I saw my youngest... I had such incredible childhood memories of Thanksgiving- and now most of my family will have nothing to do with me. My most amazing memories of this holiday are with my ex in-laws... but I am not part of that family anymore.
Each year I tell myself "it won't be as bad this year, you can get thru it!" Then along comes a phone call to destroy that.
We are a week into the month and what has happened... I lost the most amazing friend ever, someone I thought would be a huge part of my life for the rest of my life- but that friendship ended. A friend, and family member of the people I consider to be the closest thing to family I have- died Sunday very much out of the blue. And as the family mourns and prepares for a service, they are reminded that today is the 12 year anniversary of losing a young family member to a terrible car accident, Kody is very much missed by his family! And now, Dee will be as well. I woke up today being slammed in the face with a reminder that I am no longer a part of my family- how is that for my first thought of the day? Turn on the computer and see a group of happy people who obviously love each other so much, who all traveled to see each other for a family rivalry football game. What was missing? Me? My kids? No... we don't matter to them anymore... I doubt we even cross their minds on a monthly basis. That is the most heart ripping thought ever! But my family issues will be in a totally different blog post... this is about November. The weather is severely depressing, the death, the memories of what my life once was- and the memories of the worst holidays ever... both just tear apart any chance at a positive attitude for me.
I seem to always be the strong one for my friends, but when it comes to my own issues I completely fall apart. This month is filled with fall apart moments, fall apart days. I normally go thru more alcohol the month of November than the rest of the year combined... so far I have not had a single drink! Proud of that, really, but I also think I have not held together nearly as well. Thanksgiving day is spend in the bottom of a bottle... not this year. My mother-in-law, who I love very much, and am so grateful to have in my life, has asked us to join her for dinner out on Thanksgiving... this will be a new experience! But I love my husband, and I love his mom, and I will at least try- for them.
Happy November, all. Cheers!