Best Friends

Best Friends

Saturday, October 29, 2011

After being married as many times as I have, one would think I would have it all figured out and do it right eventually... so why is it that I am so very much in love, but so very unhappy? Each person I have been married to taught me something about what I do and do not want in a relationship, they have all helped me be the person I am today- I have no regrets about the multiple failed marriages and other failed relationships. And now I find myself wondering if this is another in that same category. I love Troy! He does make me happy, and for the most part he is amazing to me! And again, no regrets here. I want more than anything for this marriage to work... but each time I think there is hope for us- something else goes wrong. I admit, this has not been an easy marriage for either of us! I am a pain in the ass to live with. But over the past 4 years I have lost who I am, who I was. Each time there is a problem I hear promises of change... I hate promises. I catch myself believing them- then a few weeks down the road I realize things were said to keep me from leaving, maybe he did have good intentions- but never follows thru... while I have given up so much of me in hopes of saving us. Like I said, ts wonderful man I have ever married, and I want more than anything for us to grow old together happily. It rips my heart up to feel that he isnt willing to do what it will take to make that happen, altho its what he wants as well.
Thats my rant for today... I'm sure my next post will be super happy and about how wonderful he is! We are so very up and down like that.

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