It's been over a month! So much for blogging more often this year! It has been a really difficult year for me so far- depression has gotten the best of me, but I am fighting and doing my best to stay on top! Spring is here, it's riding season, time for me to be happy and get out and enjoy the life I have and to be grateful for the things I do have, not miserable over the things I don't!
I have finally accepted the fact that my health will never be the same, and I have begun the process of applying for disability. What a very difficult thing for me! I am a workaholic! I loved being at work 6 days a week, 10-12 hours a day! I love the craziness, I love feeling like I am accomplishing something! I like to feel I am doing something important, and helping to support my family. I miss getting out of the house every day, and having the social interactions with people. This is the leading cause of my depression, but I am working though it and finding ways to defeat it. My life will never be what it once was, and I know that... I just need to accept it!
Financially it has been a huge struggle for us, but after a year we are learning how to deal with the changes that had to be made. Which has been very hard for me! As some of you are aware, I am not used to having to budget like that! I did it for years as a single mother, then I finally got on top of that hill where I could spend, and shop, and take my friends out, and buy the things my kids wanted, and do whatever it was i wanted... wow, what a huge blow this has been to that lifestyle! My amazing husband, Troy, has been so patient and loving. He sees how I struggle, and just wants to make it all better! He would do absolutely anything to make me happy. He has put up with my mood swings and depression, he has changed his life to make sure my daughter and I have a good life.
Oh, my daughter! I am so very blessed to have her back in my home! She came back to live with us when her dad started his divorce. At first I was a bit concerned that it would be a bit of a financial struggle for us. But it hasn't been. Having Kayla here with me has helped me feel better! She always has a smile for me, she can always make me laugh! She keeps me company and knows when I am not feeling well. She has truly been a life saver for me! I knew from day one she was my angel... and she continues to be.
I don't have the time to write all I want to write today! But I am looking forward to my rides and sharing some of those moments with you. I am in charge of Brandons Ride this year, and it has truly been an honor to put together! I am so very excited for May 12th! I am sure I will do a long blog just of that day!
Happy Friday and safe travels to you all!