Best Friends

Best Friends

Monday, January 30, 2012

There is a reason...

They say everything happens for a reason. For the longest time I just brushed that idea off, and found the worst in whatever situation was at hand. But, I changed that attitude years ago, and now I try to remind others that things happen for a reason. We may not see the good that comes from it right away, but somewhere down the road, you can look back and say "wow, I wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened!" Recently the actions of one person, who really wasn't a part of my life, has had a domino effect... changing the lives of more people than I am sure she realized- or cared! Altho I am not happy with current situation of things left in her path~ I do see many of these people's lives working out for the best. How does it affect me? Well, thru her actions, things happened that made Troy and I had to ask ourselves what is truly important to us... and the answer was obvious. So what did we do? We changed our plans for our future... We made the decision not to move this year. Whether or not we move at some point down the road, will just have to be determined later. But as things are right now, my priorities, as well as his, are right here in Salt Lake. And I have no regrets about this choice.
Others have been affected, like I said- the domino effect... but I do foresee everyone involved coming out of this happy and in a place they really belong... even the one who caused it all.
I feel blessed to have the choice to stay or go, I feel more blessed to have the reason- that important person in my life- that made me step back and ask myself what I really want. And I am also so very grateful for having such an amazing man in my life who agrees with my priorities, and loves me, and loves the people in my life as much as I do. I have always said that Troy had no idea what he was getting himself into when he married me, and I seem to find ways to press that constantly! He didn't just marry me... he married my family, my friends, my divorces... my past. But he is my future and my now.
At this point in my life, I have a lot that is up in the air... but I have my husband and my daughter- and that is all that matters to me. I truly do love my life!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A year ago today I lost what I had thought was going to be my future. I had gone to work for Maverik when I was released from prison because I really couldn't go back to any of the other areas of work I had been in. Well, I moved up quickly, and despite their policy of not putting felons in management- I was promoted to a store director. Less than two years later I was let go for a stupid reason!
Anyway, that day was at the time the worst day ever! I was mad, hurt, confused, and scared. Scared of a lot of things- the idea of looking for work again- as a felon, it is hard! Scared of how this would affect our finances- it cut our income by more than half! Scared of what next. I was mad because it was so stupid and I offered to correct the mistake, and they wouldn't give me that opportunity, confused because I felt I was doing an incredible job, and so did my superiors. Hurt because I thought they trusted me.
Turns out, losing that job was probably the best thing ever to happen for me. It was difficult in the beginning, but definitely has turned out for the best.
Shortly after, actually before, losing the job- my health had started to fail. I was able to get another job a couple weeks after leaving Maverik, but after 2 months there I was unable to continue working. So I became a stay at home wife. Me, the workaholic, had to figure out how to manage my day to day life without going out and doing things all the time! I wasn't able to drive much because of the health problems, so that along with the lower income, led us to give up my car. We had to make a lot of budget changes, but we figured it out and are actually doing better now than when our income was double!
One day I woke up and realized part of the failing health was due to my mental health! I started doing things, ever day had a purpose. I realized I was more able to dedicate more of my time to the causes I believe in, and help people more! I was happy... for the moment.
I picked up a little part time work delivering papers with my friend, that was something to do, to get out of the house and get some exercise, and make a few bucks. But I still had time for me.
I wasn't able to ride as much as I wanted to this past summer, but I still participated in a number of the events we normally participate in.
I was given time... to for me, time to think, time to focus and figure out what really matters to me. And what did I find? I hate Utah! Always have, really, but Salt Lake seems to be the core of my depression. And now that I don't have a job holding me here, and Kayla is grown and out of school. I no longer have contact with my parents, I do have contact with other people who bring me down! Why am I still here?
2011~ a year of finding myself and finding my happiness. I am more focused on my family and my home, I have gain much more knowledge and understanding of my Pagan beliefs, I had time to work of crafts and health.
It was definitely a life changing event, and a life changing year. Many struggles but an incredible outcome! I found what was truly important to me and eliminated those things that caused stress and unhappiness. Troy and I went thru some trying times this year as a result of my changes, but in the end we are closer than ever, and he is much more understanding of my needs.
All of this because I lost my job? maybe not... but I never would have found the ME time to do the things I did that led me to the peace I now feel.
I love my life now- and as soon as we move to St. George, it will be even better! I have a new respect for myself, and understanding of the people and things that truly matter! Family- it isn't the people who gave birth to you and you spent your childhood with... it is the people who love you and are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. It's the best friends mom who has been there since you were 12, unconditionally loving you no matter what mistakes you have made with your life. It's the best friend who stood by you when she saw that you were making a mistake, but didn't interfere- and was there when you figured it out. It's the guy you have known most of your life who would drop everything at 3 am to come rescue you from a fight with your boyfriend. Its the husband who is willing to move across the country and leave all he has ever known, if that is what it takes to make you happy and keep your marriage wonderful. And it is your kids and their friends who feel you are the only one who understands and will listen, and will always be there for them. It's the ex-mother-in-law who still considers you family and is the one you can turn to when no one else seems to care.
2012 is another year of change for me, but I am viewing it as the most positive change ever! Leaving Salt Lake will be difficult in some ways, but the things I am walking away from can't even compare to the positive aspects of this move!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

HAPPY 2012!!! So the year is starting out just as awesome as I expected it to! Tomorrow I will be getting my companion animal! Vinnie, the boxer, is one year old and already very well trained. I hope to begin training and work on getting him certified as a service dog right away. I do not like people who get a dog and call it a service dog if it isn't! Thousands of dollars, and hours, go into the training and certification of these animals and so many people abuse that title! So for now, Vinnie will be my companion dog- and I am more than happy about it!
Part 2 of this awesome week- when I went to the doctors office to get the letter for the dog, we discussed starting me on a new mediccation that could possibly eliminate my siezures! How awesome would that be? So Monday, I will be starting the new medication! So stoked about that! The idea of never having to go thru that again, Troy and Kayla never having to witness it again... just a dream come true for me!
Part 3- yes, there is more! Troy is already talking about going to look at houses- this month! We had talked about going in late February or March, so the planned move in Septemberish is really looking like it could happen much sooner! YAY!
2012 will bring so many changes- I am expecting some struggles, but overall the changes are positive! A fresh start in a new place! Away from the people who drag me down, away from the people who scare me, no more of the haunting memories of Salt Lake City. I will be far from the people who don't accept me for who I am, and far from the people who were once my family. I will miss my true family- the friends who accept me and love me and dont put me down, but I will adapt, and visit!
Its a new freedom for me! And I am so very blessed to have such an amazing man in my life who is willing to leave all he has ever know, move far from his family and friends- to make me happy and give us the life that I so desperately want and need!
Happy New Year everyone, and Blessed Be!