Best Friends

Best Friends

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Happy Holidays
from the

Another Holiday...

It is Christmas night, I have survived with limited tears and limited alcohol!  I had a really nice time with Troys family yesterday. I always feel pretty uncomfortable when we are all together but aside from the religion and that stuff, I really did enjoy myself! And I am grateful to have them... Jackie- in our lives, Jeff and Caroline and the kids- not really in our lives, but they are around.
This morning I woke to Troy, Kayla, and Cory waiting by the tree for me to get up so we could open gifts. UGH! Really? Can I have some coffee first? It was quick- Cory got each of us a gift, altho I told him not to. Troy and I got Kayla 2 things, and we got Cory a gift. So that all went fast and I got on with my lazy day!
I was doing really well not thinking of all the stuff I dislike about this holiday, until we ventured out. We took Kayla to a friends house- they have a tradition of spending christmas day together. After we dropped her off, we decided to drop in on Mom. This 'Mom' is the person I consider my mom... the mother of my best friend growing up, Ginny has always accepted me for me, and has always been there for me... she is Mom! And the entire family, is really my family! We got to the house, and my sis was there and my godson (who lives with mom). Trina, my 'sis' I haven't seen in years! After visiting for a bit, in walked the other two nephews and fiance of one! It was like the whole family was there! Not quite everyone, but it was still such a great feeling! Hugs and love all around, I so miss that about family! So we visited for a bit longer and headed out. It made my day, made my Christmas to see them all! But by the time I got home, I had tears. It hurts still to get that much love from people who aren't really family, and we don't keep in touch real well... yet, my so called real family- all of them- ignores my existence on the holidays! Yep, not a single phone call, text message, Christmas card... not even a facebook post! I must have really fucked up to be this hated and forgotten by them! I try so hard to not care, not allow it to bother me... but really? how can I? I tell myself I am going to make things amazing for this family- me, Troy, and Kayla... and not worry about any of them. But I think no matter how much I do to make our holidays our own, my childhood memories will linger in my head.
This all really sucks and I just wish I could take a pill and POOF anything about my biological family would be gone, forgotten!
Sorry for the rant. I hope whoever reads this had a wonderful Christmas and has an amazing 2013!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

A Broken Heart

It has been almost 2 years since I have had any contact with my parents. This, for the most part, was my choice... I stopped calling them- but I also never heard from them... they made no attempt to contact me. They do, however, still keep in contact with my daughter... occasionally.
My dad was my best friend. I was definitely a daddy's girl! And needless to say I miss him like crazy! I don't miss my mother... she was the reason I cut contact with them. I had to decide if keeping my dad in my life was worth the hell I went through each time I spoke to my mother... it wasn't. It hurt terribly to not be able to call and talk to my dad, to not give him a hug on his birthday or fathers day. But it was a choice I made, for my own sanity and emotional health.
Kayla went to do her birthday/ Christmas with them today. This was their first time seeing our house (from the outside, of course). I was hoping they would not know where we live for a while, but oh well. They so rarely contact her anymore, since she came back to live with me, it angers me to see how she has allowed her screw ups with me to affect her relationship with her grand daughter! Kayla sees it, other family and friends see it... it is just sad!
Anyway, I'm not here to rant about my mother. When Kayla was on her way home she sent me a text telling me she was on her way and that just my dad was bringing her. I got a slight bit of excitement, and told her to invite him in. I really miss my dad! I just want to tell him I love him, and happy holidays, and I wanted him to see the house- see how well things are going for us.
I was so filled with anxiety waiting for them to get here! Excited and nervous to see him, and nervous that he wouldn't be walking in the door. What if he didn't want to see me? OMG! I couldn't bare that! Why did I even ask for him to come in? I can't handle that kind of rejection... but he wouldn't, would he? My daddy loves me! He will be there!
They pulled in... I heard the door... and Kayla was alone. Grandpa just wanted to go home. 
I am devastated. heart broken. tears pouring down my face all night. Did I lose him? Have I lost my dad for good? What the hell do I do now? The most important person ever in my life, aside from Kayla, doesn't want to see me. I know he has to understand that my reasons for what I did are all about my mother... he knows how our relationship has been for the last 35 years, and worse the last 5!
I am truly lost right now, have a pain in my chest that I just can't explain. I love you daddy!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Well, we have moved into our house... our home! It is so nice to be in a house finally, I feel we can settle down and move on with other aspects of our life. I still have unpacking and organizing to do... but that will all come in time! We have an amazing landlord/room mate. Cory is selling us the house, but giving us time to get things in order so we can get a loan. Meanwhile we pay rent that goes toward the mortgage. He still lives here for now, has 2 bedrooms in the basement. He is hardly ever here, and when he is- he is a good friend and fun to be around. We will be working on home projects together, both contributing to the costs. I think this is the perfect situation for us all and I'm so very excited for the future!
Next week Troy and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary! Honestly, I never thought I could stay married this long~ so this is a big deal for me. I am so very happy, and I now see myself growing old with Troy, in this home! Such a wonderful feeling. My daughter turned 21 last week... people asked if I feel old... my response to them is this- Kayla is my best friend, and my reason for waking up every day. She keeps me young and keeps me alive! If I didn't have her, I would feel old!
My thoughts today go back to my ex, the 4th husband who is in prison... Do you think pedophilia is hereditary? I've heard theories that sex offenders could have a screwed up gene. Well, I am wondering if it really is true. Before he molested my daughter, I knew there had been someone else in the family, a nephew I believe, who had been in trouble on sex related charges. And I have recently found out that another of his nephews is currently awaiting trial for molesting his own kids, and has been in trouble before. How does this happen? What the hell drives people to do things like that to small children? To anyone?! It's disturbing to me. Makes me hope all the men in that family either stay locked up forever! Although this current situation doesn't involve me, I still feel the urge to be in the courtroom, for the family to see me and know that I will support anyone they have harmed.
I should end here... very busy day ahead for me. And I am really not in the right frame of mind to be writing.
Happy holidays to all... no matter what you celebrate! Love and Light~ RED

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Another new chapter

5 years ago was the beginning of a new book in my life... just out of prison, turned 40, started a new career, and got married to Troy. The past 5 years have been a struggle. I lost my job, my health has declined, and marital problems galore! But all marriages have that, right? And everyone goes thru their personal trials!
Today I am looking at the next chapter... I have survived the past 5 years, and quite well, really! It's all about attitude! The things that seemed so terrible- pale in comparison to what so many go thru! I will be turning 45 in a few weeks! And celebrating 5 years of marriage! I don't think my first 4 marriages even added up to 5 years! We are purchasing a home~ very exciting for us!
Everything seems to be looking up. My marriage is a work in progress, but more and more we are understanding each others needs, and working together to make each other happy. I am changing my attitude about my health, and I refuse to allow it to stop me from doing the things I want to do! I plan to be working again in the next few months!
I have my daughter home with us, we are a real family. And having a home to call our own makes it that much better! We have the love to make anyplace a home, but a house, where we can make and keep memories, plant gardens together, and build things in the back yard... thats part of being a family and having a home.
This past year has been a struggle for so many of my friends and loved ones, including myself. But I am so very thankful to have those friends, and be able to help them, and have their support when I needed it. I have learned so much about myself this year, and have been reminded of the person I want to be. I am no longer shy about people knowing I am Wiccan~ why should I be? I don't care if people know I am bisexual~ thats my choice! I am a good person, and my lifestyle choices are mine... if people want to judge me for them, they have a lot to learn about life! I love who I am, I love my husband, I love my daughter, and I love each of my friends! Life is too short for drama, anger, petty stuff... enjoy every day and do things to make others smile!
Blessed Be my friends! )O(

Monday, May 7, 2012

Amazing 'I did this' moment

Today marks the 7 year angelversary of Brandon J Thomas, my hero- my reason for doing all that I do. That means it has been 6 years since I first heard his name... Somewhere back in my blog I am pretty sure I have told my story about that. So now I have an even more incredible story that touched me and had me in tears, I had to share the complete beginning to end with you...
Yesterday morning when I woke, I felt Brandon with me- he was telling me something. I sent Carol a text... "You will change a life today." Carol, is the Gold Star Mother of Brandon, and a pastor at the women's facility at Utah State Prison. She was thrilled with my text, it lit her day up!
Early in the evening I received a message from a friend of mine... and this is what it says (I changed the name to protect my friends privacy)
 Hey sweets. I wanted to share a little something with you. As you know Mandy is out at the prison. She has never been an overly religious person. Well today she was considering going to the LDS meetings and last minute went to the non denom. The lady was telling a story about a young lady that had been a resident out there that had gone to a meeting and lets say something clicked. This young lady now has a tattoo of this lady's young son that is a fallen hero. This tattooed lady rides with a group that honors fallen service men and women and is planning a ride in honor of this lady's fallen son. As she was telling this story she was walking among the congregation Apparently a text message was sent saying "Who are you going to save today?" Lady stops behind Mandy and reaches out and squeezes her shoulder. Mandy knows very little about you or your life. This lady never mentioned a name until he touched Mandy's shoulder and she said Amy.. As this lady said Amy, Mandy was thinking she is talking about my mom's friend Amy.. My dear Amy, Your goodness touches lives in ways you don't even you know about.
WOW, right? I was just bawling reading this! How amazing that not only had I told her she would change a life... but it would be someone I knew! It came back to me! It is such an incredible feeling, I am still getting goose bumps writing this now... still just so amazed and so very happy!
Brandon did this. He continues to change lives, to bring happiness and strength to people every day! And this time, he did it thru me in a little way. I am so blessed to have the life I have, and the people in my life who are here! I DO have a purpose! And what an amazing purpose it is!
This next Saturday is our memorial ride in Brandon's honor, I am so excited to be doing this, and honored to have both of Brandon's parents joining us as well as his brother!
I hope all my friends and anyone who reads this will take a minute to thank whoever it was who changed your life in even the slightest way!
Love and blessings to all! 

Friday, May 4, 2012

Life is so amazing right now! I dove into what I thought was going to be a small project, with organizing Brandon's Ride this year... and now we are expecting probably a hundred people! I have had huge support from the owner of Golden Corral, from Steve Thomas- the usual organizer, my dear friend Dave, and an amazing friend in the Dept of Veteran Affairs. I can't explain how excited I am that this is turning out to be such a success! The will be next Saturday, May 12th. Every year I feel closer and closer to Brandon, this is an amazing honor for me to be able to continue the tradition of the ride in his memory.

I am also very excited to announce that I have been asked to become an Honorary Member of the Advisory Board for the American Fallen Warrior Memorial Foundation! The public announcement of this was made yesterday. This is such an incredible opportunity for me! I know this is what I am meant to do, I support our fallen and their families... this gives me a chance to really make a difference! I am so very honored and proud to be joining this historic memorial project!
I have always believed the old saying that everything happens for a reason. That couldn't be more true for me right now! If I had made different choices in my past, if I had turned down a different road... these opportunities would not be in my face right now! I feel blessed to have been where I've been, gone thru the things I have, because I know I am where I belong right now!
If anyone is interested in learning about, or helping to support the AFWMF, the web address is, or,  and they also have a FB page.

Friday, April 20, 2012

It's been over a month! So much for blogging more often this year! It has been a really difficult year for me so far- depression has gotten the best of me, but I am fighting and doing my best to stay on top! Spring is here, it's riding season, time for me to be happy and get out and enjoy the life I have and to be grateful for the things I do have, not miserable over the things I don't! 
I have finally accepted the fact that my health will never be the same, and I have begun the process of applying for disability. What a very difficult thing for me! I am a workaholic! I loved being at work 6 days a week, 10-12 hours a day! I love the craziness, I love feeling like I am accomplishing something! I like to feel I am doing something important, and helping to support my family. I miss getting out of the house every day, and having the social interactions with people. This is the leading cause of my depression, but I am working though it and finding ways to defeat it. My life will never be what it once was, and I know that... I just need to accept it! 
Financially it has been a huge struggle for us, but after a year we are learning how to deal with the changes that had to be made. Which has been very hard for me! As some of you are aware, I am not used to having to budget like that! I did it for years as a single mother, then I finally got on top of that hill where I could spend, and shop, and take my friends out, and buy the things my kids wanted, and do whatever it was i wanted... wow, what a huge blow this has been to that lifestyle! My amazing husband, Troy, has been so patient and loving. He sees how I struggle, and just wants to make it all better! He would do absolutely anything to make me happy. He has put up with my mood swings and depression, he has changed his life to make sure my daughter and I have a good life. 
Oh, my daughter! I am so very blessed to have her back in my home! She came back to live with us when her dad started his divorce. At first I was a bit concerned that it would be a bit of a financial struggle for us. But it hasn't been. Having Kayla here with me has helped me feel better! She always has a smile for me, she can always make me laugh! She keeps me company and knows when I am not feeling well. She has truly been a life saver for me! I knew from day one she was my angel... and she continues to be.
I don't have the time to write all I want to write today! But I am looking forward to my rides and sharing some of those moments with you. I am in charge of Brandons Ride this year, and it has truly been an honor to put together! I am so very excited for May 12th! I am sure I will do a long blog just of that day!
Happy Friday and safe travels to you all!

Monday, March 5, 2012


Last week I kept meaning to get my thoughts down, but it was such a difficult week,so here I am, a few days after the fact, to explain what last week was all about...
Eight years ago I was happy, had a life I had only dreamed of having (or so I thought, as you have seen in previous posts, but none of that is what this post is about). I was about to give birth to a second little girl! After doctors telling me I would never have anymore children, I really was! And I was actually in a place in my life where I felt good about bringing a child into the world.
February 29th, yes, it was a leap year... We went to the hospital, I was miserable! I had fought with my doctor the past nine months about just doing a c-section, but he refused. That evening we discussed inducing my labor because this little girl had no interest in meeting the outside world! And I had no interest in having a leap baby! They assured me that if they gave me the drugs at like 9 pm, it would be after midnight, and we would be into March. So I went along with the doctors plan, thinking by morning I would have my new little girl in my arms. Nope! Those drugs they gave me didn't do a thing! so that next day they told my husband to go get me whatever I wanted to eat, and they would try again that evening. An entire day of sitting in a hospital bed waiting. My daughter and husband by my side, friends dropping in, doctors and nurses checking on me... not even a slight pain that could be considered labor. So the husband went off and got my smothered burrito from La Frontera- I had eaten this meal average 4 times a week thru this pregnancy, good thing it was close to our house at the time.
On the evening of March first we redid the previous night... whatever drugs they use to get women to go into labor, then zero results. really? yes, really! Induced twice with still no baby! My doctor comes in the following morning just shaking his head, and I laughed... "See, if we had just done things my way, none of us would be going thru this!" He responds with, "You win, I have scheduled the c-section for this afternoon."
They wouldn't allow my daughter in because it was more like surgery than child birth, so it was just my husband in there with me. They gave me a shot in the back, laid me down, and started cutting. I remember my husband making some comment that I looked like a gutted deer. I remember it took 2 people to get my daughter out... she was holding on! I told you- she had no interest in joining the real world! The thing I remember most was her hair... so much hair! and there were highlights! Dark hair with some lighter reddish streaks in it! That's my girl!
When they finally had her out and took her out of the OR, my dear friend Pam came to sit with me and hold my hand while they sewed me up. I remember coming out of the OR and seeing some family, some friends, but I was pretty out of it. My best friend was there, Mel, she called my parents.
Over the past few years since I gave her up, I think about her every day, and the birthday is tough, but never as tough as this year was. I think maybe because of the leap year, it brought back a lot of that week 8 years ago. I have so many amazing memories of that time, and I pray that one day I will be able to share some of them with her. So many memories I want to share, but don't feel need to be shared here.
My daughter was named Echo Rue, and had that name until she was adopted on her second birthday. She will always be my little chunky Kanga Rue.
Thanks so much to those of you who helped me get thru last week, and all the times I miss her and struggle. Kayla is an amazing support for me and my wonderful husband Troy.

Monday, February 27, 2012

the truth about family

Not long ago I was told my aunt had cancer, and was not going to make it. She was in her final weeks, or days. Most of my family lives in southern California, they were all there to be with her, say their good byes, etc. I was not. My uncle Dick and his wife Maggie were truly an amazing pair. They were the glue that kept the family a family, after 67 years of marriage they were still so in love and it could be seen by anyone who crossed their path. I was sad to hear that Maggie was not going to be with us much longer, but I knew she had lived a full and very happy life. My cousin kept me posted on her condition and let me know when she passed... thanx to Facebook- otherwise, I never would have known, as I have been out of touch with most of my family until recently. I was hurting and sad, not so much that she had passed, but that I couldn't be there with the rest of the family share in the grief, to support each other thru it. I truly feel I am not part of the family any longer... and that hurts. The service for Maggie was held this weekend, and not a word to me, not an invite, nothing. Really, is this what my family thinks of me? I realize I have chosen to remove myself from my mothers life, but this goes beyond that. I have been left in the dark about many 'family' events for a number of years. Is it because I am a criminal? No, it began before that. Is it because I don't live my life the way they do? Is it my lifestyle choices? Is it the fact that I am not wealthy like the rest of them? I don't get it! Really... what happened to family? 1999 was the last time I was included in a big family event, and then once shortly before 9-11 I was invited to San Diego to say my good byes to another aunt who was in her final stages of cancer. I really don't understand why family does the things they do. I pretend it doesn't bother me, but really, it does. I love everyone of them! And care about what happens. My niece had cancer, I found out thru her blog, not a call from my sister! No one ever kept me posted on her condition, her treatment. The most important person in my family aside from my dad, my aunt Mary. She has not spoken to me since before I went to prison. I got a birthday card from her once... no note, just signed. Pretty sad, Does she realize how much she means to me? Or that I think of her almost every day?
So when people ask about my family... I tell them about my 'mom', the wonderful woman I met when I was 12 who doesn't judge me, and is always there for me... no matter what, my sisters~ I have a number of them! Amazing women who stand by me thru whatever I happen to be going thru, my brothers~ the twins who have been part of my life since my teens who would take a bullet for me, and all the amazing people in my life who I call family because they care, and they don't judge, and they accept me for me!
Yes, it hurts that my biological family doesn't care to be a part of my life or want me to be a part of theirs... It hurts more than you can imagine. But my chosen family knows my past, knows who I am and what I am about~ and they love and accept me anyway! Thank you for that!

Monday, February 20, 2012

So today is a big milestone for me. I guess it doesn't seem like it should be, I- and everyone else- knew I would succeed, but it is still a big deal for me! 5 years ago today~ I walked out of Utahs finest gated community... aka Utah state correctional institute. This was the real beginning of my understanding of 'FREEDOM'. I woke early that day, and as usual- they were running behind in getting people called out to leave, there were only a couple of us that week. Finally I heard my name, and I was at the door! Only a couple people I really cared to say good-bye to, I swore I was never going to look back and stay in the lives of any of these people! (altho, today I am friends with 2 of the most wonderful women I met there.) They searched me- like I was going to steal a part of that place for a keepsake? gave me a bag that had what I came in with 15 months prior... the clothes I wore (which had become way too small! I put on over 50 pounds during that 15 months!), my belly button ring, the necklace my daughter had given me, and my expired drivers license. I walked thru another set of doors that led to the main entrance to the facility- I saw many mothers, dads, husbands, etc. waiting for their loved ones to walk thru those doors... then I saw my Tom. The most amazing friend anyone could ask for! He had been there for me thru all of this- I called him every night, I wrote him a couple times a week, he was my rock and is truly the reason I made it thru those months! And now- there he stood, arms wide open waiting for a hug, and waiting to take me home! I ran... tears running down my face... and I jumped into his arms! It felt so good to be able to touch someone, hold them, and know I was going to be ok! In his hands he had a coat he had bought for me- I put it on (I still wear that coat!), and we walked out to the parking lot. As we walked thru that door to the outside- I was scared, nervous... really? Was I really walking away without a guard? without shackles? Yes I was! I couldn't let go of Tom, I was so happy and excited and scared and so many emotions going on! We got to his truck and there waiting for me was a Mountain Dew and a pack of smokes! I LOVE THAT MAN!
That day he took me shopping to get a few things that would fit, got me shampoo and body wash that I like, make up, hair dye- I really needed that! And all the things I things I needed to feel human again! He made me a fabulous dinner that night- and we drank and danced and had the most amazingly fun evening ever!
Tom and I had talked about getting together for a celebration today, but that was a long time ago. That was before he found out he had cancer, and before he lost the battle. I miss him so much, he was such a huge part of my life. He knew all the details of everything that had happened, and still cared about me! When I lost my home before going to prison- he gave me a place to live, then again when I got out.
Everything that has happened for me since I got out of that place- I can thank him for leading me to it... some might say I give him more credit than he is due, but they didn't know him like I did... very few people truly knew him, and those of us who did, are very blessed to have had him a part of our lives.
Today is bittersweet, I guess. happy to be at this milestone, but sad that he isn't here to share it with me.
But hey~ here's to another 5 years, or 50 years!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Fashion Truffles: Etsy Favorite: Kim Peterson Art and a Giveaway!

Had to blog this... This is my sister and her artwork!
Fashion Truffles: Etsy Favorite: Kim Peterson Art and a Giveaway!: As most of you have probably already noticed, I'm a bit obsessed with the world of Etsy. It's just chuck full of talented artists, graphic d...

Monday, January 30, 2012

There is a reason...

They say everything happens for a reason. For the longest time I just brushed that idea off, and found the worst in whatever situation was at hand. But, I changed that attitude years ago, and now I try to remind others that things happen for a reason. We may not see the good that comes from it right away, but somewhere down the road, you can look back and say "wow, I wouldn't be here if that hadn't happened!" Recently the actions of one person, who really wasn't a part of my life, has had a domino effect... changing the lives of more people than I am sure she realized- or cared! Altho I am not happy with current situation of things left in her path~ I do see many of these people's lives working out for the best. How does it affect me? Well, thru her actions, things happened that made Troy and I had to ask ourselves what is truly important to us... and the answer was obvious. So what did we do? We changed our plans for our future... We made the decision not to move this year. Whether or not we move at some point down the road, will just have to be determined later. But as things are right now, my priorities, as well as his, are right here in Salt Lake. And I have no regrets about this choice.
Others have been affected, like I said- the domino effect... but I do foresee everyone involved coming out of this happy and in a place they really belong... even the one who caused it all.
I feel blessed to have the choice to stay or go, I feel more blessed to have the reason- that important person in my life- that made me step back and ask myself what I really want. And I am also so very grateful for having such an amazing man in my life who agrees with my priorities, and loves me, and loves the people in my life as much as I do. I have always said that Troy had no idea what he was getting himself into when he married me, and I seem to find ways to press that constantly! He didn't just marry me... he married my family, my friends, my divorces... my past. But he is my future and my now.
At this point in my life, I have a lot that is up in the air... but I have my husband and my daughter- and that is all that matters to me. I truly do love my life!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A year ago today I lost what I had thought was going to be my future. I had gone to work for Maverik when I was released from prison because I really couldn't go back to any of the other areas of work I had been in. Well, I moved up quickly, and despite their policy of not putting felons in management- I was promoted to a store director. Less than two years later I was let go for a stupid reason!
Anyway, that day was at the time the worst day ever! I was mad, hurt, confused, and scared. Scared of a lot of things- the idea of looking for work again- as a felon, it is hard! Scared of how this would affect our finances- it cut our income by more than half! Scared of what next. I was mad because it was so stupid and I offered to correct the mistake, and they wouldn't give me that opportunity, confused because I felt I was doing an incredible job, and so did my superiors. Hurt because I thought they trusted me.
Turns out, losing that job was probably the best thing ever to happen for me. It was difficult in the beginning, but definitely has turned out for the best.
Shortly after, actually before, losing the job- my health had started to fail. I was able to get another job a couple weeks after leaving Maverik, but after 2 months there I was unable to continue working. So I became a stay at home wife. Me, the workaholic, had to figure out how to manage my day to day life without going out and doing things all the time! I wasn't able to drive much because of the health problems, so that along with the lower income, led us to give up my car. We had to make a lot of budget changes, but we figured it out and are actually doing better now than when our income was double!
One day I woke up and realized part of the failing health was due to my mental health! I started doing things, ever day had a purpose. I realized I was more able to dedicate more of my time to the causes I believe in, and help people more! I was happy... for the moment.
I picked up a little part time work delivering papers with my friend, that was something to do, to get out of the house and get some exercise, and make a few bucks. But I still had time for me.
I wasn't able to ride as much as I wanted to this past summer, but I still participated in a number of the events we normally participate in.
I was given time... to for me, time to think, time to focus and figure out what really matters to me. And what did I find? I hate Utah! Always have, really, but Salt Lake seems to be the core of my depression. And now that I don't have a job holding me here, and Kayla is grown and out of school. I no longer have contact with my parents, I do have contact with other people who bring me down! Why am I still here?
2011~ a year of finding myself and finding my happiness. I am more focused on my family and my home, I have gain much more knowledge and understanding of my Pagan beliefs, I had time to work of crafts and health.
It was definitely a life changing event, and a life changing year. Many struggles but an incredible outcome! I found what was truly important to me and eliminated those things that caused stress and unhappiness. Troy and I went thru some trying times this year as a result of my changes, but in the end we are closer than ever, and he is much more understanding of my needs.
All of this because I lost my job? maybe not... but I never would have found the ME time to do the things I did that led me to the peace I now feel.
I love my life now- and as soon as we move to St. George, it will be even better! I have a new respect for myself, and understanding of the people and things that truly matter! Family- it isn't the people who gave birth to you and you spent your childhood with... it is the people who love you and are there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. It's the best friends mom who has been there since you were 12, unconditionally loving you no matter what mistakes you have made with your life. It's the best friend who stood by you when she saw that you were making a mistake, but didn't interfere- and was there when you figured it out. It's the guy you have known most of your life who would drop everything at 3 am to come rescue you from a fight with your boyfriend. Its the husband who is willing to move across the country and leave all he has ever known, if that is what it takes to make you happy and keep your marriage wonderful. And it is your kids and their friends who feel you are the only one who understands and will listen, and will always be there for them. It's the ex-mother-in-law who still considers you family and is the one you can turn to when no one else seems to care.
2012 is another year of change for me, but I am viewing it as the most positive change ever! Leaving Salt Lake will be difficult in some ways, but the things I am walking away from can't even compare to the positive aspects of this move!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

HAPPY 2012!!! So the year is starting out just as awesome as I expected it to! Tomorrow I will be getting my companion animal! Vinnie, the boxer, is one year old and already very well trained. I hope to begin training and work on getting him certified as a service dog right away. I do not like people who get a dog and call it a service dog if it isn't! Thousands of dollars, and hours, go into the training and certification of these animals and so many people abuse that title! So for now, Vinnie will be my companion dog- and I am more than happy about it!
Part 2 of this awesome week- when I went to the doctors office to get the letter for the dog, we discussed starting me on a new mediccation that could possibly eliminate my siezures! How awesome would that be? So Monday, I will be starting the new medication! So stoked about that! The idea of never having to go thru that again, Troy and Kayla never having to witness it again... just a dream come true for me!
Part 3- yes, there is more! Troy is already talking about going to look at houses- this month! We had talked about going in late February or March, so the planned move in Septemberish is really looking like it could happen much sooner! YAY!
2012 will bring so many changes- I am expecting some struggles, but overall the changes are positive! A fresh start in a new place! Away from the people who drag me down, away from the people who scare me, no more of the haunting memories of Salt Lake City. I will be far from the people who don't accept me for who I am, and far from the people who were once my family. I will miss my true family- the friends who accept me and love me and dont put me down, but I will adapt, and visit!
Its a new freedom for me! And I am so very blessed to have such an amazing man in my life who is willing to leave all he has ever know, move far from his family and friends- to make me happy and give us the life that I so desperately want and need!
Happy New Year everyone, and Blessed Be!