Best Friends

Best Friends

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

SO much on my mind this past couple weeks! Where to begin todays blog...?
Uncle Danny.
 I got a call a few days ago, my dear friend and former mother-in-law (I really still consider her my mother in law), my daughters grandma- her baby brother had passed away. Wow! He would be 57 this Friday! Not the healthiest of men, but not old enough to go!
Uncle Danny was like a grandfather to Kayla, and I have some wonderful memories of my years with the family. As I am preparing for Kayla to get home from work so I can tell her, I realize something... I won't be welcome at any kind of service, I can't call his sons to give my condolences... I am feeling these emotions for the loss of a wonderful man, but I can't share in the family's mourning. You see, Danny's sons are RJ and Brian. RJ and his wife, are the couple who adopted my youngest... so my baby has lost her grandpa. But I have to respect the wishes of the adoptive family, and not come around unless or until invited. OK, so I will be strong and be here for Kayla and my mother in law to cry on, I am good at being that person. Telling Kayla was not easy. But she is not the type to let you beat around the bush and try to be as gentle as possible... if you have something to tell her, just spit it out! She kinda freaked, but seems to be doing better than I expected. Kayla doesn't deal with matters of emotion very well, and I was really concerned. But she is my tough kid! I am not taking this nearly as rough as his siblings or I'm sure his sons, but I have shed a few tears, and I will miss him. Uncle Danny was a sweet and kind man, and he has left my daughter with some wonderful memories. I hope that his own children and grandchildren, and siblings can heal and be able to move forward with their lives eventually. And I truly hope they know how sorry I am for their loss. I love that family and feel as if I am still a part of it to a point.

Rest in peace, Uncle Danny, you are already missed!

OK, so now lets lift the mood a bit! When I was locked up, I had a couple people I was very close to, but for the most part tried not to get to be friends with many people. I had one friend, and I won't use her name here, I'll just call her JBG, she was the one person who could make me smile and laugh no matter how I was feeling, she helped teach me to crochet, and taught me to play spades and othello.  She had been there a little bit when I went in, and was still there when I left... she was one of the long timers, but she did have hope for the future! She was always so happy and positive. I wrote her a few times and then I decided I just needed to put that past behind me and I stopped writing anyone there... so I had no idea when she would be out, or where she would end up.
A couple weeks ago I got an inbox message on Facebook... asking if I had previously used the last name Dunster, and if I remembered her... not a word about where I would know her from, aside from the hint in the name. It has been almost 6 years, I have blocked so much of that chapter of my life! It took me a little bit to remember, but it finally clicked... it was her! She searched and found me! It is such a wonderful feeling to know that I mattered that much to someone. She knew hundreds of women in and out of that place, she has also put that past behind her, but I mattered enough for her to try to find. I have talked to her and texted her but we haven't had a chance to get together yet, and I am so looking forward to that! She is dong amazingly well, moving on with life with her kids and a fantastic job, and yes... the past behind her. There aren't a lot of people who come out of there and do so well, and the three people I keep in contact with- are three success stories! 

I really think that's all I am up for right now... the snow hasn't stopped in days, my health is doing better this week! Good thing, because I'm having a Super Bowl party Sunday to get ready for! Go Niners! Took Kayla to get her hair dyed yesterday... everyone says she looks like a mini me now... not what she wanted to hear! She wants to be herself! but it is beautiful! She is longer a little girl... all grown up with tattoos, dyed hair, and attitude! Making me proud!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

 This is Roxy. She is the newest member of our family, currently 6 months old. She is a lab/beagle mix.
This is our new home. We are very happy to have it! I will post more pics later along with the story of how it was possible!

It's been just over 2 years since I lost my job with Maverik... I was so devastated! Wow, how things change, huh? I am so glad to not be a part of that company anymore! They aren't what they used to be! But it has been a strange 2 years, a difficult transition to being a stay home wife and mom. Such ups and downs... emotionally and financially.
The past month has probably been the hardest on me. My health has been less than ok, causing anxiety and depression issues, which causes more health problems... it has become a vicious circle! I have hopes that if the temps in Salt Lake get above 30 in the next couple weeks, that might help with the depression a bit! My depression has been worse than ever, and it is so very frustrating! Having poor health and not feeling up to doing the things a wife and mother should be doing... just makes me feel useless and so depressed! A month ago I was feeling so good and was even starting to look for a job, crazy how fast things can change! I do have friends who are very inspiring to me tho... Michelle and Dayna both have serious medical issues and always seem to stay on top of the world and so positive about everything, including the future! I really don't know where I would be without the two of them and their facebook posts! Not many people understand what I am going thru, not even my husband, really, so I keep most of it bottled up... I know, that's real healthy, right?
We have been in our home for 7 weeks now... It feels so amazing! I am making plans for this project and that remodel, and all sorts of things I want to eventually do to the place. I figure by the time we are retired, I might have it just as I want it! Our first project has already begun- the addition of a second bathroom! Second project I get to paint the upstairs bathroom! Baby blue just isn't my thing! The dog LOVES having a yard to run around in, and I am so looking forward to summer and being able to entertain friends outside! I am already scheduled to have one wedding reception, for Holly and Matt, in May, and a wedding in August for Sheila and Jared! I am so excited to be able to do these things! 
An old friend from Draper tracked me down and found me on facebook. I am so happy about this! She was really my best friend there, the one who could make me laugh no matter what. She is another success story- an amazing job, raising her kids on her own and doing a great job of it, and not doing things that could get her back there! I haven't seen her yet, but we have talked, and I am so excited to get together and catch up.
Aside from the depression, life really is good right now, and I know things could be worse, so I thank the Goddess for what I do have going for me. Kayla is healthy and happy~ and gets to go to Vegas in March with her dad and grandparents! Yes, Im jealous, but glad she's going to be spending time with them. Troy is ok, but I worry about his health and I have no idea how to get him to see this. Cory, our room mate and guy we are buying the house from, seems to be on top of the world! Has a girlfriend he is just head over heels for and loves having help paying the mortgage! He claims he doesn't like dogs, but... he loves Roxy!
I have no idea when my last post was, I didn't bother looking before I started this... I don't even know if I had mentioned we are buying a house! Anyway... Happy January, happy SuperBowl (GO NINERS!), and happy living!