So today is a big milestone for me. I guess it doesn't seem like it should be, I- and everyone else- knew I would succeed, but it is still a big deal for me! 5 years ago today~ I walked out of Utahs finest gated community... aka Utah state correctional institute. This was the real beginning of my understanding of 'FREEDOM'. I woke early that day, and as usual- they were running behind in getting people called out to leave, there were only a couple of us that week. Finally I heard my name, and I was at the door! Only a couple people I really cared to say good-bye to, I swore I was never going to look back and stay in the lives of any of these people! (altho, today I am friends with 2 of the most wonderful women I met there.) They searched me- like I was going to steal a part of that place for a keepsake? gave me a bag that had what I came in with 15 months prior... the clothes I wore (which had become way too small! I put on over 50 pounds during that 15 months!), my belly button ring, the necklace my daughter had given me, and my expired drivers license. I walked thru another set of doors that led to the main entrance to the facility- I saw many mothers, dads, husbands, etc. waiting for their loved ones to walk thru those doors... then I saw my Tom. The most amazing friend anyone could ask for! He had been there for me thru all of this- I called him every night, I wrote him a couple times a week, he was my rock and is truly the reason I made it thru those months! And now- there he stood, arms wide open waiting for a hug, and waiting to take me home! I ran... tears running down my face... and I jumped into his arms! It felt so good to be able to touch someone, hold them, and know I was going to be ok! In his hands he had a coat he had bought for me- I put it on (I still wear that coat!), and we walked out to the parking lot. As we walked thru that door to the outside- I was scared, nervous... really? Was I really walking away without a guard? without shackles? Yes I was! I couldn't let go of Tom, I was so happy and excited and scared and so many emotions going on! We got to his truck and there waiting for me was a Mountain Dew and a pack of smokes! I LOVE THAT MAN!
That day he took me shopping to get a few things that would fit, got me shampoo and body wash that I like, make up, hair dye- I really needed that! And all the things I things I needed to feel human again! He made me a fabulous dinner that night- and we drank and danced and had the most amazingly fun evening ever!
Tom and I had talked about getting together for a celebration today, but that was a long time ago. That was before he found out he had cancer, and before he lost the battle. I miss him so much, he was such a huge part of my life. He knew all the details of everything that had happened, and still cared about me! When I lost my home before going to prison- he gave me a place to live, then again when I got out.
Everything that has happened for me since I got out of that place- I can thank him for leading me to it... some might say I give him more credit than he is due, but they didn't know him like I did... very few people truly knew him, and those of us who did, are very blessed to have had him a part of our lives.
Today is bittersweet, I guess. happy to be at this milestone, but sad that he isn't here to share it with me.
But hey~ here's to another 5 years, or 50 years!