Easter Sunday I lost someone very dear to me. He had cancer. and since then my two very best friends have both told me they have to have biopsies soon to check for lymphoma. Why is it that when I get close and let someone into my heart... someone upstairs decides to rip that good feeling away from me... and always with cancer? 5 years ago, I lost the woman I thought of as 'Mom" to lymphoma, ten years ago, my only aunt to breast cancer. Now for the confusing question... why the hell am I still a smoker? I have set into motion the quit plan, I have cut back to about half where I was a month ago. Thanx to my boss saying we all need to quit together! I don't think anyone has taken it serious, but I have to, I can't allow my friends and family to be put through what I have gone through with this. My daughter deserves to have me around and able to do things with her for a very long time!

Riding season is upon us! I truly hope I can be a part of it this year. My life, my job, and my marriage are all things that could prevent me from enjoying that feeling of freedom I love so much being on the back of a bike. One day at a time, I suppose!

Rest in peace, SugarBear. You are now free!

Call me an idiot, I forgot my user and password info to even get into my blog! So it has been way to long, but so many times I have wanted to update.
So in December my daughter turned 18... yep, she is an adult now. And, just like her mom, dreams of freedom! So over the Christmas break from school she made a choice to move out of her father's house and come live with us. I knew this day would come, she has been talking about it for a long time, but I had been sticking to my guns about making her finish high school before she came to be with us. Well, so much for that. She was unhappy, I saw things that I was not happy about, and I was just so excited to have my girl back home where she belongs! So we moved into a larger apartment, had a friend move in with us to help him out a little as well, and now life is great! I have cut back my hours a bit at work, I take Kayla to school in the mornings. I feel I have my family back. Although there is one missing, she is constantly in my thoughts, and I know one day we will be reunited. Meanwhile, Kayla gives me the strength I need to get thru the trying times.
The past six weeks or so has been a true test of my faith, my strength, and my passion for everything I do and believe in... I guess that is why I wanted to get in here and post, it really is a venting place for me.
First was Christmas... I just don't understand why people can't respect my wishes during my least favorite time of year! I love my in-laws, but they insist on the big celebration, and exchanging gifts, and all that. I continue to ask that they don't do that for me, but I don't think they will ever understand. My idea of the perfect Christmas is being home in my sweats, cleaning house and having a few drinks... alone.
The battle to keep peace when Kayla decided to move, I honestly think I did quite well with this one! Considering how well her father and I get along, and his wife's opinions of me as a parent... yes, I am proud of how I handled it, altho that is still not over with, and someone brings something up about it weekly. But, as I keep reminding myself, my ex and his wife, and everyone else... she is 18, an adult, she makes her own choices now.
Next on my list... Actually began quite a few months sooner, the one person in my life who I respect and look up to more than anyone (other than my dad), was diagnosed with cancer over the summer. After surgery and treatments, more test and more treatments, I was told the first of the year he had roughly 8 weeks to live. How am I supposed to take that? The one person in this world who stood by me, believed in me, trusted me... when no one (not even my family) would. He was there for me, loved and cared for me... unconditionally. He supported me emotionally and mentally, and yes, even financially for a while. He was my guardian angel... and now, nothing I do will help him. He has an amazing attitude, with about a month left- he refuses to give up on anything. He accepts what is happening, but is living life to its fullest, ever day.
I have found some old friends who are so very important to me, and who I hope I won't lose again. It has been very emotional, finding lost friends and the memories that come up, the thought of losing friends who mean the world to me. I have taken a huge step and contacted my sister... my one biological sister. We have spoken once in probably more than 5 years, and that wasn't by choice- when dad shoves the phone in your face, neither of us want to hurt dad! But contacting her is a big part of my goals for my future. I need my family, we all do.
My job is going amazingly well, although most may see it totally opposite of this, I have made some huge strides with my store, my crew, and my goals.
So far the year seems to be starting out quite well. I have a very positive outlook this year, and know I can accomplish anything I set out to do! So bring on 2010! Hoping for lots of good weather and riding time, success at work, progress with family, and a closer bond with the friends I so want to be closer with! Here's to the freedom to do what we want, when we want, and why!
And one last comment... no matter who you are, friend or acquaintance, family or stranger, I accept you all for who you are and for the choices you make in your life. And I support any decisions YOU choose to make... that is your right, your freedom... and no one, especially me, has any right to judge or tell you no! Unconditional love and friendship is what matters.

my heros... God and Troy

As you can see, it has been a couple months since I last posted. I had a small stroke the end of May... it put me out of work and pretty much out of everything for a while! I could barely get out of bed at times! I was unable to use the computer~ it affected my hands and also my eyes were so bothered by the monitor (and still are, just not as bad~ I limit my time)! During the first couple weeks I was in and out of the hospital a number of times, Troy missed work to take me to doctors and to just make sure I was ok. I realized one day that my life could end at anytime! I also was reminded that I am lucky to be as healthy as I am... I am able to work, able to help support my family, able to do things for myself! I became terrified during this ordeal that I could end up having to quit my job, stay at home, lose my ability to drive (therefore losing any independence I have!). That just was not an option to me! I pushed myself to get better, I slowly got back to where I could work 40 hours a week.
All of this was only possible because of my faith in God and all the praying I did, and thanx to my wonderful Troy for being there for me, believing in me and supporting me.
I am happy to say, now three months later I am almost 100% better! I still have small lingering affects of the stroke, but for the most part they don't really effect my day to day life. I trust that God will protect me from harm... unless it is meant to be, and I trust my husband to always watch out for me.
It has been a wonderful summer, and a full summer! I will soon add posts and pictures of rides and other things from our summer. A lot of time was spent with my daughter Kayla, a lot spent at work, and as much as possible with friends! All of whom have been a great blessing to me, as well as to Troy. Everyone was so helpful and supportive through my recovery, and continued to keep my spirits high. I thank you all! I love you and God Bless!

I must admit, years ago when I was told my daughter had learning disabilities and would never be like all the other girls when she grew up - I was scared. On the outside I was strong and refused to accept that. I was determined to make her feel and seem as normal as everyone else, and as long as we encouraged her and supported her, I didn't want to believe the things the experts told me, but inside, I was terrified. Well, today Kayla is 17 years old, doing quite well considering how the odds were stacked against her. Kayla will be graduating high school with all the other kids her age next year, she has completed two years of Air Force Jr ROTC, and has won a number of awards in that program! I am so very proud of my daughter and the fight that she has in her! Although her school is doing away with the ROTC program after this year, just the two years she had changed her life so much, and I am so glad she was given the opportunity to be a part of it. Kayla is my world. I made many mistakes with her, but I thank God for her dad and stepmom, and especially for her grandmother. they were there for her, and me, when I wasn't able to be... whether that inability was due to my mental absence, my working two jobs and going to school, or my actual physical absence from my family. I am pleased to have my daughter back in my life and so happy that she is doing so well, I just needed to share this with whoever is reading.

Goals Set and Goals Reached

A little over two years ago I was forced to start my life over. I really did start from scratch, I had nothing... noplace to really call home, no job, and very minimal belongings. I could have dwelt on all that negativity and not gone anywhere, or I could set some goals and get back on my feet! Being the person I am, I chose to go forward and succeed! A couple very dear friends gave me a temporary place to call home, I searched for work, and didn't give up until I was working. I set goals for myself and for my life, and when I reached one of the very small goals, I set a new one, a little bigger. It has now been two years, And I have just reached a very big goal... I got a huge promotion at work that finally makes me feel I will be with this company for a veery long time. Time to set some more goals... reasonable goals and some that will force me to work hard for them. But this last week has proven to me that I can do anything I set out to do... and that is the most wonderful feeling ever! With all the things I felt were against me, keeping me from succeeding... I was able to overcome the odds. And now I know I can reach whatever goals I set for myself... and so can anyone else! Positive attitude and the heart and motivation to do it! Never saying "I will try..." always saying "I will." Just do it!

Why Love and Freedom?

So I am new to this blog thing, but it seems like such a cool way to keep friends and family... and myself, posted on what is going on in our busy lives. So you may ask why the title... Let me give a little background for those of you who don't already know...

Troy and I met in high school. Friends, nothing more. After 20+ years of bumping into each other here and there, something finally clicked! LOVE! We had both been searching in all the wrong places for love, and in the last place either of us expected it... we found it in each other. A dozen years since the last time we saw each other, we suddenly became one.

It's amazing the freedom you feel when you finally know you have found that part of your life that has been missing for so many years, and you know, without a doubt in your mind, that you will never be alone again.

Both of us are happier than we have ever been, and that love and happiness just grows every day. Life is full of challenges, and I now have someone to face those with.

There is also the amazing, feeling of freedom we get when riding on the Harley! I am looking forward to being able to post pictures and stories of the rides we go on, and places we visit.

God bless.